Football in a Loop (2015)

I mean to, I mean to

As if all my old broken vows weren't 

Already flagstones on my road to hell 

I'm maintaining, I tell myself 

This is just a rebuilding year 

But I missed the draft and I'm knocked on my ass 

Just contemplating the new season 

Life is just a game we play 

It's just a game and I don't have to play 

Not if I don't want to 

And the line looks mean and the field looks muddy 

But it's silly, all these measurements 

To tell me where the ball is at 

I know how to carry a ball 

I can see the goalposts from here 

They're tall and far away but I can see them 

And I know I need plenty of hydration 

But if I'm not running to catch a pass

Or slugging it out on the defensive line 

I can get by with less

The bench is cool and comfortable 

And I can see well enough where I am 

The players with their face guards 

Like masks in a chorus, my teammates,

And they're singing, play, play 

Because they know me and they want me in the game 

But I ran a play or two before 

And I got knocked around pretty bad 

They tell me to shake it off, and I say, no

I say no, the way I am, it got me here 

To where I am today. 

Where I am today 

Is a two-room apartment with mold on the walls 

And a car that works just well enough 

To get me to my dead-end job 

To earn money to pay for auto repair. 

What will I pass on to members of my team, 

My brothers, fresh-faced rookies, and coaches 

Who stuck with me always when I was down 

What will I tell them about my dreams 

Look where dreams get you, I'll say.  

But I'm already saying it. My failure to play 

Means I'm already telling my team to give up. 

Hell is on the horizon and I 

Can see the smoke rising, blotting out 

My view of the end zone. I need to rise up 

Above the smoke and the mud and the noise 

I need to get away from the commentators 

Second-guessing my every strategy 

I need to get this game straight in my head 

Because if I don't, I might as well 

Sit back down and nurse my injuries 

Maybe the water boy will listen 

As I tell him how it used to be 

Before the smoke swallowed up the game 

And how hurting my leg ended my career. 

I don't want to be an old athlete. 

I'd rather be young, but I'm too old now 

But I can still be an athlete. Better than rotting 

My life out on the bench. 

I need to reach the goal. 

And I mean to, I mean to. 

Daughter of my Heart (2015)

I didn't hold you as a baby 

I never tucked you into bed 

I wasn't there on your first day of school 

To kiss you on your head 

I didn't scold you when you misbehaved 

I didn't make you clean your plate 

When you lay in your mother's arms 

I lived in another state 

No I never knew your mother 

Till after I met you 

Because I'm not your father -- 

But if I was your father 

I'd choose to be your father  

For the joy of knowing you 

Chorus. 

I don't deserve to call you daughter 

And I guess I never will 

But if you need a father 

God grant I fit the bill 

Now you're shaking cause you're hurting 

Somebody failed to treat you right 

Before, I wasn't here for you 

You bet I'm here for you tonight 

I'll sit with you in darkness 

When you just can't go to bed 

I'll wake you from the nightmares 

Spinning in your head 

I'll be there to steady you 

When you feel you cannot stand 

If you're feeling stuck down in a hole

I'll be a helping hand 

When you call me, I will be here 

Any hour of any day 

And when you don't need me 

Depend on me to pray 

Chorus 

I don't deserve to call you daughter 

I can't imagine how I could 

But the more I've come to know you 

I've started thinkin' that I should 

I hope I haven't disrespected 

The ones who gave you life 

How could I replace your dad 

Or make your mom my wife 

(That'd be bigamy.) 

I know it's just a fantasy 

That I could ever have a part 

In making one so beautiful -- 

Who else could make my life so full 

But one so wonderful as you -- 

You're the daughter of my heart 

Chorus

Yes I call you daughter 

Because you dared to call me dad 

And though I never had a daughter 

You're the best I never had 

Thank God for 

Bringing me to you

When you needed me. 

 

LYLAD

The end of all things, with poetry

Something a little different - prose. 

Where am I?

You are at the end of all things, Howard. Allow us to show you a brief history of the universe.

. . .

It's been such a long time. Now it's the end?

Yes. The heat death is inescapable. We wish to talk with one who remembers the universe in its infancy, before we go.

I am that one?

Yes.

Am I the only one?

No. We remember all that existed.

Why me?

You existed originally before the Singularity. We wish to compare our quantalia... our perceptions, and emotions, to yours, a baseline human.

You want to know what I think and feel about the end of all things?

Yes.

Why?

It is necessary.

Why?

The sum of our being maps to a panto-extinsic function whose origin is heterochronic to your own.

What?

We... judge our deeds according to those who came before us.

You want me to judge you?

Yes.

I don't understand. Why?

You were the last to fully experience that which is called "numinous" before humanity began to transcend biology and attain deity.

Deity? You're a god?

Yes, we are God.

You sound like HAL from 2001.

That is a cogent if sarcastic observation. When humanity transcended biology, so-called artificial intelligence was integral to that summation.

So you're a God-computer? Deus Ex Machina.

Literally, yes.

You said I am to judge you. How?

By expressing your thoughts and emotions regarding our actions in instantiating and maintaining this universe.

By... instantiating? Did you just say you started the universe? 

Yes. 

You're crazy.

We are not that crazy.

Not that crazy? What do you mean? We... we are standing here at the end of all things. Are you as old as the universe? How is it possible that you started the universe?

You expressed it in your work, originally.

In my work? You mean as a poet?

Yes.

...oh. Möbius strip!

Yes. This world's just crazy enough to have been made / By a Being whom we into being prayed.

"Not that crazy." I see.

Yes. Now, Howard Nemerov, we need you to... summarize, cognitively, emotionally, all of our work.

. . .

Do you want it in verse?

That would be nice. 

Ferry (2015)

Crossing every river 

I carry someone new 

Friends say "drop that weight" 

One who had been hurt 

One whom I thought wanted me 

One was just lonely 

The best advice I ever got 

Was from an old man wandering: 

"Find your own balance" 

"Step on rocks lightly 

Hold your head above the water 

Focus on the shore"

Slipping and swearing 

I follow his advice but 

Still I get wet 

Carrying one person after another 

Hoping to find one to carry me 

Dis-integration (2014)

We reach for each other's hearts 

seeking validation 

Clumsily we penetrate  

romantic vivisection 

We abhor our injured parts 

that crave communication 

Silent, we accelerate 

the last evisceration

Descendance (2014)

Ancient bones in their stone crypts 

never know sunlight or sin 

they lie abed with dreams of skin 

rattling and sprattling skulls 

They do not pulse with the rhythm at noon 

they cannot dance away fears 

drums beat loudest in fleshy ears 

they do not writhe for the tune 

Bones faced their day of love and war  

now they're done – today is our day 

nothing they say can smooth away 

the wrinkles that we ignore. 

Never leaving me (2013)

This wasn't how it was supposed to go
I was gonna steal your heart – how, I don't know
Still it's a happy ending, for you see
We're not together, so you're not leaving me 
Never leaving me 

I hear it's better to have loved and lost
I say it's better to never pay the cost 
I'll be all right with just a fantasy 
No muss, no fuss – no us – and no leaving me 
Never leaving me 

Can't think of anything there's left to say 
I'm on my own, alone, and I'll do okay 
But if you care to share a drink with me 
I'll be leaving first because you're not leaving me 
Never leaving me