Condom Ad (1990)

Allow me to bring to your attention
The matter of your shocking lack of prevention
Of mishap in your sexual tactics.
I speak, of course, of prophylactics.
I'm sorry to have to burst your bubble;
But you could wind up in serious trouble
If you don't take advantage of this simple device.
Economical, too, at any price;
For who wants to pay for unwanted offspring?
You see the value of what we're offering.
But wait, there's more: we offer five
Distinctive styles, designed to enliven
Your sensual pleasure, each 9.95.
So the next time you take your lover to bed,
Don't tempt divine fate! Use a condom instead!
(And suffer no fate for misconduct, he said.)

Libido (1990)

Ah! if my lust were a bottle of wine,
What bouquet it would have! what a kick!
Ah, would that God would find the time
To cork me double-quick.